Friends

Thanks for the post Holly. It was great to hear from you. Funny you should write because today my friends have been on my heart. There are people that come into your life daily. Funny how there are certain ones that God has ordained to stay, and ones that stay for a season, and those that are passer bys. They are all important, I believe, just here for different reasons. I wonder if we have anything to do with who stays and who goes or if it is what it is and we have no say? I am so not into the whole "guilt trip" thing, but I think we can be our own worst enemies at times. Do you call those who love you enough? Maybe you call them too much?? Maybe you think of them daily and it stops there..oh oh, another birthday missed. You meet someone new and promise to call, but blow it off thinking,"they are busy, they wouldn't want to hang out anyways." Some people make friends so easily and then there is me. You may be in my life for 4 years and then I finally get it..Ohhhh, your my friend! Light bulb moment!! I guess I just don't don't trust that easily and maybe have a hard time thinking someone would actually like to hang with me. Oh, don't feel sorry for me or call me with the name of a great therapist. Been there done that and am still doing that! I may even be preaching to the choir. I think I am really not so alone in this. As you look at the human spirit, you see all the dysfunction, all the false beliefs, all the insecurity...all the humanness. We need each other yet we are so bound to "do it" on our own. We beat ourselves up for not being a good friend and then overcompensate when there is tragedy or a need. All I know is, I love my friends. I am so grateful for them..all of them. They all are so different, yet have one common thread..they are my friends. Please don't take anything I say to heart, after all this is my diary, my mail you are reading. You are seeing into my heart, my fears, my desires. If you can relate...sorry! I do have the name of a good therapist though! Oh yeah, if I haven't said it lately, which I am sure I haven't, "Thank you for being my friend. I love you all!"

reason for blogging

So, as my profile explains somewhat, I am not an avid blogger.I actually have never blogged in my life. I have come to a conclusion recently, not to get too "deep" or anything, but life is short. Pretty profound huh? I know, you are thinking," this girl is a genius, why didn't I think of that?" Well, I know you thought of that, but have you done anything about it? Gottcha didn't I. Have you ever had something so significant happen in your life that it just completely throws you. Maybe a tragedy, maybe a loss, maybe even something someone else did that caught your attention. Do you have dreams? Do you have ideas running through your head , ideas that, if ever came to pass, could really make a difference in our world. I see all these influential, wealthy, people using their money and resources to make a difference in our world. That is an awesome thing! So why can't we, women that have passions, ideas, love, ambition...why can't we make a difference? I believe we can can, but I believe we need each other. That may be hard to swallow for some. Even a totally foreign concept for others. Well, if you have ever had that sense of community, of a group of different races, different belief systems, but one common goal, come together for one common purpose, it is a powerful animal. To empower and uplift one another is a gift to each other and a gift to your cause. I guess I am rambling, trying to get my point across. My point is, everyone has had circumstances beyond their control. Everyone has had difficulties in life, everyone has needed someone at some point. Why can't we, as women, use those things that have helped us to grow, help each other and those less fortunate to help make changes in this world that needs so much help? Points to ponder I guess, but that is why I decided to blog. I have ideas and desires and needed to get them out to sort through it all. I know there are others out there that feel the same so maybe we can help each other. I want to make a difference in this world. I want my children to see me stepping outside of myself and take risks because I care. I just want to be a voice in this world that is so loud you can't hear yourself think. So I am on a journey and invite those who dare, to come along for the ride!

starting over

As I sit here this evening I have to reflect on my daily activities and realize it was "one of those days". You know the ones I am talking about. The ones that are really significant, maybe life changing, at least "Life re-directing". I guess what I am saying is I made some big decisions today and they all kind of became real. You know how you think about things and think about them and think about them until one day you say to yourself..."self, its time to go forward with this thought, idea, or plan. Whatever you want to call it. You are excited about the change and you know that you know that you are making the totally right decision. Then you actually step out and reveal that plan and everyone looks at you like you are from mars...That was the kind of day I had. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. One year of thinking and planning and knowing I had to wait for the right timing and bamm...it was over in a minute. Me expecting to be cheered on and loved and others to be excited for me. Nothing. Literally no response. So this gets me thinking. Do I really know the people I am around daily. Like really know them. Four years working together, 13 with one and nothing..no response. Then you come home and tell your husband and HE looks at you like you are from Mars...DOES ANYONE HEAR ME? AM I TOTALLY ALONE HERE?? Well, I know I made the right choice, even if no one else understands , even my unsuspecting husband. I may be silent at times, but when I speak, I speak loud!